Saturday, December 8, 2012

2 Steps Forward 1 Step Back

I wish I could say that it has been so long since I posted because I was out holiday shopping or doing something fun and exciting, but unfortunately that is not the case I have spent most of last week at the hospital.

Olivia had a bit of a set back this week and I think its safe to say I officially had my first real melt down since all of this happened.  On Tuesday evening we went to do Olivia's cares at 9pm.  She was so happy and so active.  We gave non-nutritive breast feeding another try and she did amazing.  She latched on and was sucking for a good 15 minutes.  One of the hardest things for preemies is to remember to breath while they are nursing.  Happy to say that Olivia is way ahead of a her adjusted age and would take 6 good sucks then take a break and take a few nice deep breathes. All in all it was such a rewarding night her Daddy and I left that night in such high spirits.  With all of this in mind that is why the phone call the following morning was even more of a shock to us.

At 7am the nurse practitioner called saying she had some bad news.  Before she could say another word I burst into tears.  I think as a Mother you always hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst.  At 4 am yes 4am Im telling you my daughter has a thing with this time of day, everything that has happened to us has always been at 4 am almost on the dot.  She began to have severe episodes of desaturations in her breathing and her heart rate was dropping rapidly.  Luckily she had one of her primary care nurses that I absolutely adore and had her the first 5 days of life so she knows her very well.  She knew that Olivia was acting very out of character and immediately called the doctor.  First things first they got her stable and turned her oxygen back up to what it was weeks ago.  They discontinued her feedings and began drawing blood and urine samples.  When a preemie begins regressing in breathing this is usually a sign of an infection.
After hearing all of this news I immediately jumped in my car and got to the hospital as fast as possible.

After taking one look at her I knew something was wrong.  Her eyes were puffy and she was very lethargic. Standing next to her isolate for no more then 5 minutes another episode began.  Her alarms were like nails on a chalk board.  I think the sounds of them will haunt me for a very long time.  She was starting to turn blue and with 4 nurses around her.  When these episodes have happened in the past she will recover very quickly as soon as a nurse grabs her foot or rubs her back.  This episode was quite different.  Looking over the shoulders of the woman trying to help my baby girl she was not recovering.  As soon as they started to pull out the equipment for full resuscitation I ran out of the room completely hysterical.  I cant explain what I was feeling other then complete helplessness and hysteria.  It is safe to say I think I had my first complete melt down.  After she was stable her Dad convinced me to go back in and that she was looking much better.  He was right I was relieved to see her nice and pink.  Wednesday turned into a very long day.  Now it was a waiting game to see what all of the tests came back with.  They started her on a very strong antibiotic.  It is  standard practice in the NICU to assume a baby has an infection until they prove otherwise.  Their immune systems are very weak.

The doctor came in and spoke to us about what was and could be going on.  Also he need a written consent from us to perform a spinal tap.  A decision I felt uncomfortable with from the get go.  They do a spinal tap to determine if she had meningitis.  I felt like they were jumping the gun and should wait at least one day to see if anything else came back before putting her threw this stressful procedure.  As a Mother though I want nothing more then to put my complete trust in her doctors and nurses that being said a begrudgingly agreed and signed the consent.  I of course left minutes before they were going to perform the procedure.  Because she is so small pain medicine is not an option.  They did give her a local numbing medicine and a light dose of sedation.  They poked my poor girl 3 times looking for spinal fluid and were unsuccessful.  They said this is highly unusual.  After hearing word of this I asked them to revoke the right to try this again.  I really should have trusted my mother intuition on this but live and learn.  I returned to the hospital and Olivia was still far from her active happy self.  The doctors assured me that they would not try the spinal tap again until tomorrow.

The following morning her Dad and I made sure we were at the hospital for the rounds.  They have rounds on every baby every day.  A meeting with all of the staff that is caring for her.  The doctor said Mom, Dad I have some good news.  It was music to my ears after a day like yesterday I really needed some good news. Olivia has a urinary tract infection and we believe this is what is causing her to be in distress.  The best news is this is easily treatable with antibiotics and because she has been on them since yesterday we got a good jump on it.  This also means it will not be necessary to perform another spinal tap.  It felt as if a weight had been lifted and I could finally stop crying and pull myself together.  Just knowing what was wrong and that it was treatable was a huge relief.

She has now been on antibiotics for 3 days and is feeling much better other then being hungry.  Because they pulled her feedings for a day and a half they have to start introducing it to her system very slowly and Olivia is just like her Momma we get very grumpy when hungry.  The poor thing just needs some extra love and thank goodness for her pacifier.  She has taken a small step backwards with her oxygen needs and of course her feedings but we are hoping to be back on track by early next week.

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