Again I apologize for keeping people waiting for a post, but honestly like I have said previously this NICU process is very up and down and it is extremely hard to write everything and keep up. Olivia is doing wonderful. She is up to 3lb and 13oz without any fortifiers in her milk, I must pat myself on the back for this one all of her nurses have said that I must have amazing breast milk. It is very rare for preemies to be able to gain weight with straight breast milk. They have tried to fortify my milk 4 times by adding formula and other items but every time they attempt this Olivia fills up with air and they are forced to hold multiple feedings until her belly comes back down, which completely defeats the purpose of adding more calories. So she will remain on straight breast milk so long as she is gaining weight. I am so grateful that I am able to provide her with the nutrition that she so desperately needs right now. The doctor said he cringes at the thought of her being on formula some babies tolerate this just fine but my Olivia has a very sensitive belly and really struggles with anything but home grown Mommy milk. It has been very frustrating and difficult to pump for 9 weeks straight and many times I wanted to give up and just give her formula but I am so grateful I have stuck with it and she is doing so well.
Her last dose of antibiotics is tomorrow. We are so excited to get the PIC Line out of her arm. She currently has 9 cables this makes it extremely difficult to change her or hold her. Once they remove the pic line we will loose at least 4 of these cables. Also she will be able to wear clothes again. They try to sort of dress her now but we have to leave that right arm out so we have had to get creative. My little daughter is rocking the off the shoulder style all ready lol, so fashionable. Some more great news about this PIC line coming out is that her Daddy and I will be able to give her, her first real bath on Christmas day. What a present that will be I cant wait. We will deff take lots of pictures and videos to share.
Olivia has officially graduated from her incubator into a big girl crib. Something about having her in a crib just makes it so real for me. This tiny gorgeous little girl is all mine it is so exciting and so frightening all at the same time. Hard to explain but Im sure you other Moms know what Im talking about. She officially knows her Mommy and Daddy and we are getting tons of smiles. Unfortunately every time we try and capture a picture we just miss it. Maybe we can catch a few on video tomorrow.
I feel like this post is a bit of a rambling but I have so much info to pass on. She is now taking some feedings via mouth. She is doing wonderful at breast feeding. This is very taxing on her tiny body so we are starting with 2 breast feeding sessions a shift. She has done very well but I can tell it completely wears her out. Now the bottle on the other hand she has pretty much mastered. She is taking 30ML which is considered a full feeding for her size right now by bottle at least 2 feedings a day with no problem. Now keep in mind she still has a feeding tube down her nose that goes straight to her belly so swallowing can be a bit difficult but she is doing a wonderful job. They will not remove the feeding tube until she is able to take all of her feedings via mouth. This is a work in progress because she is so small we have to start slow so she doesnt loose too much weight in the process but we are well on our way.
I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful Christmas. I have honestly been a bit of a grinch and not in the Christmas spirit, but I am forever grateful for my family and friends for getting me threw this very rough time I cant thank you all enough. Santa is coming around to visit all the babies in the NICU on Christmas we will deff capture this and are also very thankful for the wonderful staff that is taking care of my baby girl, they have all been amazing to us and love Olivia so much. One last thing before I sign off Stacy one of Olivia's nurses that had her the first 5 days of life and continues to watch her very frequently has grown very attached to my sweet girl and now refuses to draw her blood she makes another nurse do it lol also Olivia is due for her 2 month shots (can you believe she is 9 weeks old today wow) and Stacy said yesterday shhhh guys we just forgot her vaccines today right "wink wink" she really did not want to poke my girl, I just think it is so sweet that her and Stacy have such a close bond. These nurses are truly a blessing and have such a tough job but we are so grateful for all of them especially Stacy she is very special to us and will remain a good friend for a very long time.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Frustrated
Usually with me no news is bad news, but today unfortunately I need some writing therapy and hoping I will feel much better after I get this all out in black and white.
Starting last night Olivia began having a descended belly this is very concerning and usually a sign of infection, but if you recall my baby girl is on a strong dose of antibiotics due to her recent UTI infection. That being said this descended belly was even more worrisome. They stopped her feedings as of 9 pm last night to see if her belly would possibly self resolve. Well no such luck. This morning it was still pretty full and very firm. Trying to remain optimistic her Daddy and I were hoping it was just gas. Because of their concern they ran blood work again last night. Unfortunately this came back this morning with some concerning numbers. Her white blood cell count dropped drastically. This can also be an indication of infection. At rounds this morning the doctor decided it would be the best decision to perform the spinal tap again. Wow again I go threw the agony of begrudgingly signing the consent form for this terrible procedure.
After accepting the fact that they were going to go threw with this. I decided my little angel needed some Mommy snuggling time. The nurse got her out and she fell fast asleep skin to skin on me for a good 2 hours. Such a sweet girl and so content despite the fact that she has had nothing to eat all day and night.
They performed the spinal tap late this afternoon and again were unsuccessful. After 4 attempts by 2 different nurse practitioner's they were unable to get any spinal fluid. This is extremely unusual but has happened before. The hardest part about this is now we are still left with a big fat ? and have no idea what is going on with my baby girl. They switched her to the stronger antibiotic and have decided to run this for an additional week. The problem with this is her tiny veins have already had IV'S for a week and are completely worn out. The only other option to giver her medication is another PIC line. She had one of these in the past and it is an extremely risky and scary procedure to get it in the right place. They go threw a main vein that goes right next to the heart. They do have an ex ray on during the entire procedure, but again another consent has to be signed and Im a nervous wreck. I just feel so frustrated and like she was doing so well with all her breastfeeding and gaining weight and now we are stuck in this limbo unable to feed her and watching her loose weight. Enough of my ranting and raving I will defiantly write again and hopefully with some better news in the near future.
Starting last night Olivia began having a descended belly this is very concerning and usually a sign of infection, but if you recall my baby girl is on a strong dose of antibiotics due to her recent UTI infection. That being said this descended belly was even more worrisome. They stopped her feedings as of 9 pm last night to see if her belly would possibly self resolve. Well no such luck. This morning it was still pretty full and very firm. Trying to remain optimistic her Daddy and I were hoping it was just gas. Because of their concern they ran blood work again last night. Unfortunately this came back this morning with some concerning numbers. Her white blood cell count dropped drastically. This can also be an indication of infection. At rounds this morning the doctor decided it would be the best decision to perform the spinal tap again. Wow again I go threw the agony of begrudgingly signing the consent form for this terrible procedure.
After accepting the fact that they were going to go threw with this. I decided my little angel needed some Mommy snuggling time. The nurse got her out and she fell fast asleep skin to skin on me for a good 2 hours. Such a sweet girl and so content despite the fact that she has had nothing to eat all day and night.
They performed the spinal tap late this afternoon and again were unsuccessful. After 4 attempts by 2 different nurse practitioner's they were unable to get any spinal fluid. This is extremely unusual but has happened before. The hardest part about this is now we are still left with a big fat ? and have no idea what is going on with my baby girl. They switched her to the stronger antibiotic and have decided to run this for an additional week. The problem with this is her tiny veins have already had IV'S for a week and are completely worn out. The only other option to giver her medication is another PIC line. She had one of these in the past and it is an extremely risky and scary procedure to get it in the right place. They go threw a main vein that goes right next to the heart. They do have an ex ray on during the entire procedure, but again another consent has to be signed and Im a nervous wreck. I just feel so frustrated and like she was doing so well with all her breastfeeding and gaining weight and now we are stuck in this limbo unable to feed her and watching her loose weight. Enough of my ranting and raving I will defiantly write again and hopefully with some better news in the near future.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
2 Steps Forward 1 Step Back
I wish I could say that it has been so long since I posted because I was out holiday shopping or doing something fun and exciting, but unfortunately that is not the case I have spent most of last week at the hospital.
Olivia had a bit of a set back this week and I think its safe to say I officially had my first real melt down since all of this happened. On Tuesday evening we went to do Olivia's cares at 9pm. She was so happy and so active. We gave non-nutritive breast feeding another try and she did amazing. She latched on and was sucking for a good 15 minutes. One of the hardest things for preemies is to remember to breath while they are nursing. Happy to say that Olivia is way ahead of a her adjusted age and would take 6 good sucks then take a break and take a few nice deep breathes. All in all it was such a rewarding night her Daddy and I left that night in such high spirits. With all of this in mind that is why the phone call the following morning was even more of a shock to us.
At 7am the nurse practitioner called saying she had some bad news. Before she could say another word I burst into tears. I think as a Mother you always hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst. At 4 am yes 4am Im telling you my daughter has a thing with this time of day, everything that has happened to us has always been at 4 am almost on the dot. She began to have severe episodes of desaturations in her breathing and her heart rate was dropping rapidly. Luckily she had one of her primary care nurses that I absolutely adore and had her the first 5 days of life so she knows her very well. She knew that Olivia was acting very out of character and immediately called the doctor. First things first they got her stable and turned her oxygen back up to what it was weeks ago. They discontinued her feedings and began drawing blood and urine samples. When a preemie begins regressing in breathing this is usually a sign of an infection.
After hearing all of this news I immediately jumped in my car and got to the hospital as fast as possible.
After taking one look at her I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were puffy and she was very lethargic. Standing next to her isolate for no more then 5 minutes another episode began. Her alarms were like nails on a chalk board. I think the sounds of them will haunt me for a very long time. She was starting to turn blue and with 4 nurses around her. When these episodes have happened in the past she will recover very quickly as soon as a nurse grabs her foot or rubs her back. This episode was quite different. Looking over the shoulders of the woman trying to help my baby girl she was not recovering. As soon as they started to pull out the equipment for full resuscitation I ran out of the room completely hysterical. I cant explain what I was feeling other then complete helplessness and hysteria. It is safe to say I think I had my first complete melt down. After she was stable her Dad convinced me to go back in and that she was looking much better. He was right I was relieved to see her nice and pink. Wednesday turned into a very long day. Now it was a waiting game to see what all of the tests came back with. They started her on a very strong antibiotic. It is standard practice in the NICU to assume a baby has an infection until they prove otherwise. Their immune systems are very weak.
The doctor came in and spoke to us about what was and could be going on. Also he need a written consent from us to perform a spinal tap. A decision I felt uncomfortable with from the get go. They do a spinal tap to determine if she had meningitis. I felt like they were jumping the gun and should wait at least one day to see if anything else came back before putting her threw this stressful procedure. As a Mother though I want nothing more then to put my complete trust in her doctors and nurses that being said a begrudgingly agreed and signed the consent. I of course left minutes before they were going to perform the procedure. Because she is so small pain medicine is not an option. They did give her a local numbing medicine and a light dose of sedation. They poked my poor girl 3 times looking for spinal fluid and were unsuccessful. They said this is highly unusual. After hearing word of this I asked them to revoke the right to try this again. I really should have trusted my mother intuition on this but live and learn. I returned to the hospital and Olivia was still far from her active happy self. The doctors assured me that they would not try the spinal tap again until tomorrow.
The following morning her Dad and I made sure we were at the hospital for the rounds. They have rounds on every baby every day. A meeting with all of the staff that is caring for her. The doctor said Mom, Dad I have some good news. It was music to my ears after a day like yesterday I really needed some good news. Olivia has a urinary tract infection and we believe this is what is causing her to be in distress. The best news is this is easily treatable with antibiotics and because she has been on them since yesterday we got a good jump on it. This also means it will not be necessary to perform another spinal tap. It felt as if a weight had been lifted and I could finally stop crying and pull myself together. Just knowing what was wrong and that it was treatable was a huge relief.
She has now been on antibiotics for 3 days and is feeling much better other then being hungry. Because they pulled her feedings for a day and a half they have to start introducing it to her system very slowly and Olivia is just like her Momma we get very grumpy when hungry. The poor thing just needs some extra love and thank goodness for her pacifier. She has taken a small step backwards with her oxygen needs and of course her feedings but we are hoping to be back on track by early next week.
Olivia had a bit of a set back this week and I think its safe to say I officially had my first real melt down since all of this happened. On Tuesday evening we went to do Olivia's cares at 9pm. She was so happy and so active. We gave non-nutritive breast feeding another try and she did amazing. She latched on and was sucking for a good 15 minutes. One of the hardest things for preemies is to remember to breath while they are nursing. Happy to say that Olivia is way ahead of a her adjusted age and would take 6 good sucks then take a break and take a few nice deep breathes. All in all it was such a rewarding night her Daddy and I left that night in such high spirits. With all of this in mind that is why the phone call the following morning was even more of a shock to us.
At 7am the nurse practitioner called saying she had some bad news. Before she could say another word I burst into tears. I think as a Mother you always hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst. At 4 am yes 4am Im telling you my daughter has a thing with this time of day, everything that has happened to us has always been at 4 am almost on the dot. She began to have severe episodes of desaturations in her breathing and her heart rate was dropping rapidly. Luckily she had one of her primary care nurses that I absolutely adore and had her the first 5 days of life so she knows her very well. She knew that Olivia was acting very out of character and immediately called the doctor. First things first they got her stable and turned her oxygen back up to what it was weeks ago. They discontinued her feedings and began drawing blood and urine samples. When a preemie begins regressing in breathing this is usually a sign of an infection.
After hearing all of this news I immediately jumped in my car and got to the hospital as fast as possible.
After taking one look at her I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were puffy and she was very lethargic. Standing next to her isolate for no more then 5 minutes another episode began. Her alarms were like nails on a chalk board. I think the sounds of them will haunt me for a very long time. She was starting to turn blue and with 4 nurses around her. When these episodes have happened in the past she will recover very quickly as soon as a nurse grabs her foot or rubs her back. This episode was quite different. Looking over the shoulders of the woman trying to help my baby girl she was not recovering. As soon as they started to pull out the equipment for full resuscitation I ran out of the room completely hysterical. I cant explain what I was feeling other then complete helplessness and hysteria. It is safe to say I think I had my first complete melt down. After she was stable her Dad convinced me to go back in and that she was looking much better. He was right I was relieved to see her nice and pink. Wednesday turned into a very long day. Now it was a waiting game to see what all of the tests came back with. They started her on a very strong antibiotic. It is standard practice in the NICU to assume a baby has an infection until they prove otherwise. Their immune systems are very weak.
The doctor came in and spoke to us about what was and could be going on. Also he need a written consent from us to perform a spinal tap. A decision I felt uncomfortable with from the get go. They do a spinal tap to determine if she had meningitis. I felt like they were jumping the gun and should wait at least one day to see if anything else came back before putting her threw this stressful procedure. As a Mother though I want nothing more then to put my complete trust in her doctors and nurses that being said a begrudgingly agreed and signed the consent. I of course left minutes before they were going to perform the procedure. Because she is so small pain medicine is not an option. They did give her a local numbing medicine and a light dose of sedation. They poked my poor girl 3 times looking for spinal fluid and were unsuccessful. They said this is highly unusual. After hearing word of this I asked them to revoke the right to try this again. I really should have trusted my mother intuition on this but live and learn. I returned to the hospital and Olivia was still far from her active happy self. The doctors assured me that they would not try the spinal tap again until tomorrow.
The following morning her Dad and I made sure we were at the hospital for the rounds. They have rounds on every baby every day. A meeting with all of the staff that is caring for her. The doctor said Mom, Dad I have some good news. It was music to my ears after a day like yesterday I really needed some good news. Olivia has a urinary tract infection and we believe this is what is causing her to be in distress. The best news is this is easily treatable with antibiotics and because she has been on them since yesterday we got a good jump on it. This also means it will not be necessary to perform another spinal tap. It felt as if a weight had been lifted and I could finally stop crying and pull myself together. Just knowing what was wrong and that it was treatable was a huge relief.
She has now been on antibiotics for 3 days and is feeling much better other then being hungry. Because they pulled her feedings for a day and a half they have to start introducing it to her system very slowly and Olivia is just like her Momma we get very grumpy when hungry. The poor thing just needs some extra love and thank goodness for her pacifier. She has taken a small step backwards with her oxygen needs and of course her feedings but we are hoping to be back on track by early next week.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
A Week of Many Firsts...
Miss Olivia has been having an amazing week. She has finally hit the 3lb mark actually she is now 3lbs 2oz. Happy to announce she finally has cute little chub roles on her legs I love it. This momma loves chubby babies and cant wait for all those roles.
Today was a very big day. I arrived at the hospital today at 8:30am and didnt leave until 6pm. I was teasing the nurse saying it felt like a worked a whole shift lol, not quite but pretty dang close and Im exhausted but loved every minute of it.
I got the opportunity to give Olivia her first sponge bath and she totally loved it. She was so relaxed, especially when we were washing her hair. Her eyes were rolling back and she was just soaking it all in. It was such a sweet moment. Im so grateful I was there to share it.
Later this afternoon I got the go ahead from the Nurse Practitioner to start non-nutritional breast feeding. Exactly as it sounds I pump first emptying the breasts completely and just let her practice latching on. She is still to small to try true breast feeding. This should happen in 2 more weeks or so. They worry about her aspirating at this point. Sucking, swallowing, and breathing is a lot to remember when your a micro preemie.
She did so good today it was as if she knew exactly what to do. She latched on and immediately began sucking. All of the nurses and the lactation specialist were very impressed. They all warned me before hand that she would probably just lick and not be interested, but again Olivia impressed and surprised us all. After a day of so many first and her handling it all so well I am one proud Momma, and so excited for all of the firsts that are still ahead of us.
Today was a very big day. I arrived at the hospital today at 8:30am and didnt leave until 6pm. I was teasing the nurse saying it felt like a worked a whole shift lol, not quite but pretty dang close and Im exhausted but loved every minute of it.
I got the opportunity to give Olivia her first sponge bath and she totally loved it. She was so relaxed, especially when we were washing her hair. Her eyes were rolling back and she was just soaking it all in. It was such a sweet moment. Im so grateful I was there to share it.
Later this afternoon I got the go ahead from the Nurse Practitioner to start non-nutritional breast feeding. Exactly as it sounds I pump first emptying the breasts completely and just let her practice latching on. She is still to small to try true breast feeding. This should happen in 2 more weeks or so. They worry about her aspirating at this point. Sucking, swallowing, and breathing is a lot to remember when your a micro preemie.
She did so good today it was as if she knew exactly what to do. She latched on and immediately began sucking. All of the nurses and the lactation specialist were very impressed. They all warned me before hand that she would probably just lick and not be interested, but again Olivia impressed and surprised us all. After a day of so many first and her handling it all so well I am one proud Momma, and so excited for all of the firsts that are still ahead of us.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Moving Again
So I know this blog is about my baby girl and not about myself and I plan to keep it this way but let me explain why it has been so long since the last update. Most of you that know me know that we are in the process of building a new home. Anyone that has ventured down this path knows how incredibly stressful it can be. We started working on this home before I was pregnant with miss Olivia and had planned to have the home complete and ready for her arrival. Of course my baby girl had plans all her own and came 3 1/2 months early so needless to say her Daddy and I are sorely unprepared and a bit of a mess at the moment. Long story short we have been living in a hotel for the last month. This was becoming increasingly expensive and quite depressing. A hotel room is so impersonal and trying to pump in a dark corner of a hotel room was becoming near impossible. There have been so many times I wanted to throw that damn machine out the window. I cant wait until I can really feed her, I'm really looking forward to that day. My sister was kind enough to offer her spare bedroom to us, and wow what a difference this has made it is so great to have a kitchen and a touch of home. Not to mention I get to see my sis and spend more quality time with her than I have in a long time.
Now on to baby girl I'm sure everyone is anxious to hear all the news. Again this post may be a bit all over the place there is so much information.
This extra volume in her feedings is really helping she is 2lbs 10oz .. woo hoo we are more then half way to 3lbs. She is looking so much bigger to me and it appears she is starting to get chubby cheeks. Nothing cuter then a chubby baby I cant wait for her to have rolls all over. Because of all of this wonderful weight gain Olivia is now in big girl clothes and is doing a fabulous job of maintaining her body temp. She is still in the incubator and will remain there for a while. Even though the bed is set to room temp unless of course her body temp drops then the bed automatically kicks on. The fact that it is enclosed helps keep her body temp up. They dont want her to burn any calories trying to keep herself warm.
Her oxygen needs are gradually becoming less and less. She is still at 21% (room air) with a flow of 1 1/2 liters of pressure. They have tried a few times to turn the flow down to 1 but she was not tolerating this very well. Again the doctors assure me that as she grows bigger and stronger she will be able to tolerate this and eventually be off any kind of pressure. I have had multiple people in the NICU tell me that Olivia is about 5 weeks ahead of her gestational age which is music to my ears, but she is still on the small side. So again a complete celebration with every ounce that is gained. Her appenic spells (where she quits breathing) are becoming less and less she has gone 24hrs without any episodes so crossing my fingers this continues.
Yesterday they performed an eye exam on her. The poor things eyes were so sensitive when I was with her. They had dilated her eyes and were waiting for the doctor to arrive. So the light was really bothering her. In spite of all of this discomfort I got 3 big smiles from her, and I know that nobody is going to believe me and say that it is involuntary or just gas smiles but Im telling you I got 4 smiles real conscious smiles after I was chatting to her. Her daddy got 2 of these precious grins today. We are determined to catch this on film to share with all you doubters lol. Her eye exam came back and nothing alarming. The blood vessels are immature and still have a ways to go but this is to be expected considering how premature she is.
Now on to baby girl I'm sure everyone is anxious to hear all the news. Again this post may be a bit all over the place there is so much information.
This extra volume in her feedings is really helping she is 2lbs 10oz .. woo hoo we are more then half way to 3lbs. She is looking so much bigger to me and it appears she is starting to get chubby cheeks. Nothing cuter then a chubby baby I cant wait for her to have rolls all over. Because of all of this wonderful weight gain Olivia is now in big girl clothes and is doing a fabulous job of maintaining her body temp. She is still in the incubator and will remain there for a while. Even though the bed is set to room temp unless of course her body temp drops then the bed automatically kicks on. The fact that it is enclosed helps keep her body temp up. They dont want her to burn any calories trying to keep herself warm.
Her oxygen needs are gradually becoming less and less. She is still at 21% (room air) with a flow of 1 1/2 liters of pressure. They have tried a few times to turn the flow down to 1 but she was not tolerating this very well. Again the doctors assure me that as she grows bigger and stronger she will be able to tolerate this and eventually be off any kind of pressure. I have had multiple people in the NICU tell me that Olivia is about 5 weeks ahead of her gestational age which is music to my ears, but she is still on the small side. So again a complete celebration with every ounce that is gained. Her appenic spells (where she quits breathing) are becoming less and less she has gone 24hrs without any episodes so crossing my fingers this continues.
Yesterday they performed an eye exam on her. The poor things eyes were so sensitive when I was with her. They had dilated her eyes and were waiting for the doctor to arrive. So the light was really bothering her. In spite of all of this discomfort I got 3 big smiles from her, and I know that nobody is going to believe me and say that it is involuntary or just gas smiles but Im telling you I got 4 smiles real conscious smiles after I was chatting to her. Her daddy got 2 of these precious grins today. We are determined to catch this on film to share with all you doubters lol. Her eye exam came back and nothing alarming. The blood vessels are immature and still have a ways to go but this is to be expected considering how premature she is.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
22 Days Old
So baby girl is three weeks and 1 day old .. I must apologize for such a long time since the last update. Its really difficult to keep you guys up to date. She will have a wonderful day and just as Im ready to write a post we will have a bit of a set back. With Nicu babies and any human for that matter there is no perfect formula that will work for everyone. This is a very true statement in Olivia's case, but let me start with all the wonderful progress that she has made. I am very pleased to announce that she is now 2lbs 4oz. It has taken a lot of discomfort and work on her part getting to this number so Im very proud of her. You should see her Daddy and I when they are weighing her (this is a very unique process they actually leave her in her incubator, technology really is amazing). We are both holding our breath and loud cheers errupt even if she only gains a few grams lol. They are literally force feeding her one nurse explained it to us, she said "imagine having Thanksgiving every meal". Her Daddy described her as looking like an African Bushmen. Oh her arms and legs are so skinny and her poor belly is so big. She really looks so uncomfortable. I have questioned every single doctor and nurse asking them if it just might be too much food. Dont worry I never over step my boundaries and I totally respect every person that works with her its just difficult to see her to uncomfortable. The theory behind this force feeding is the importance of the nutrition for brain and bone development. This obviously takes higher priority over discomfort which is understandable. It doesnt make it any easier to water her gagging and spitting up all the time.
She is now breathing 20-21% oxygen which is room air just like what you and I breath. Amazing progress for only being 30 weeks gestational age. Her lungs are clear and completely open which I am so very thankful for this is not usually the case in babies of her age and size. She is still wearing what they call a high flow nasal cannula. This machine creates pressure and pushes the air into her lungs it on 3 1/2 Liters per Min. All this being said she is breathing very well most of the time, but she is still having the appenic spells. They have now decided that these spells are directly related to her feedings. She becomes so full and begins having reflux. She intentionally closes her air way to protect it as this is happening. Unfortunately some times she forgets to start breathing again. She has had many incidents where she self recovers but there are a few times that the nurse or myself have to get in there and stimulate her reminding her to take a deep breath. While we were there the other day she started having an incident alarms are going off like crazy I went to reach in to wake her and the nurse said "No no let her try to recover on her own" honestly the longest 12 seconds of my life. Looking at her not seeing that little chest heave up and down with breath and watching the numbers drop was terrifying but again I must put trust in the professionals taking care of her and I did what I was told. She did self recover and was fine after that. As of yesterday they started spreading her feedings out over 2 1/2 hours in hopes that she will have less appenic spells. Now keep in mind she gets fed every 3 hours so there is only a short 30 min window that my poor girl isnt getting stuffed with food. Again all of this stuff is trial and error and its just a matter of trying different things until we find what works for her. A very frustrating and emotionally draining process but the doctors have told us that she should out grow this and in 4 weeks will be a lot more comfortable. Until then I am really trying to stay focused on the positive and not dwell on what we cant change. Yesterday a friend of mine said "Aleesha I honestly dont know how you are holding it together and havent completely fallen apart" "Falling apart is not an option Olivia needs a Mom and not just any Mom she needs one that is strong and believes in her and believes in the process that we are going threw, that envisions the future that lies ahead of all of us, and most of all that loves her unconditionally and will never give up...."
She is now breathing 20-21% oxygen which is room air just like what you and I breath. Amazing progress for only being 30 weeks gestational age. Her lungs are clear and completely open which I am so very thankful for this is not usually the case in babies of her age and size. She is still wearing what they call a high flow nasal cannula. This machine creates pressure and pushes the air into her lungs it on 3 1/2 Liters per Min. All this being said she is breathing very well most of the time, but she is still having the appenic spells. They have now decided that these spells are directly related to her feedings. She becomes so full and begins having reflux. She intentionally closes her air way to protect it as this is happening. Unfortunately some times she forgets to start breathing again. She has had many incidents where she self recovers but there are a few times that the nurse or myself have to get in there and stimulate her reminding her to take a deep breath. While we were there the other day she started having an incident alarms are going off like crazy I went to reach in to wake her and the nurse said "No no let her try to recover on her own" honestly the longest 12 seconds of my life. Looking at her not seeing that little chest heave up and down with breath and watching the numbers drop was terrifying but again I must put trust in the professionals taking care of her and I did what I was told. She did self recover and was fine after that. As of yesterday they started spreading her feedings out over 2 1/2 hours in hopes that she will have less appenic spells. Now keep in mind she gets fed every 3 hours so there is only a short 30 min window that my poor girl isnt getting stuffed with food. Again all of this stuff is trial and error and its just a matter of trying different things until we find what works for her. A very frustrating and emotionally draining process but the doctors have told us that she should out grow this and in 4 weeks will be a lot more comfortable. Until then I am really trying to stay focused on the positive and not dwell on what we cant change. Yesterday a friend of mine said "Aleesha I honestly dont know how you are holding it together and havent completely fallen apart" "Falling apart is not an option Olivia needs a Mom and not just any Mom she needs one that is strong and believes in her and believes in the process that we are going threw, that envisions the future that lies ahead of all of us, and most of all that loves her unconditionally and will never give up...."
Friday, November 9, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Overdue
Let me apologize this post is way overdue. The truth is it has been such a roller coaster with some good news and some bad then the next day just the exact opposite I wasn't quite sure where to start or what to write, but let me try and feel you all in on my sweet angel.
Lets start with the definite good news. We received the results of her follow up brain scan and it was pretty promising news. The right side which is a grade 1 remained the same and the left side of her brain which we were most concerned about ended up being a grade 2 this week. This is great news and is a pretty good indication that the spinal fluid is beginning to remove the blood clot. This of course will take time and there is no way to know if there was any damage until she is much older. I am very hopeful and confident that Olivia will continue to exceed expectations.
Now for the roller coaster ride of having a baby in the NICU. They upped her feedings to 12cc after the first feeding of this increased volume they were very quick to remove her pic line. Not to sound pessimistic but I thought they prematurely removed this. After all this line provides the nutrients she needed until she was up to "full feedings". Call it Mothers intuition but as soon as they removed this supplemental line she was not tolerating her feedings at all. Her belly was descended and she was spitting up. They were forced to drop her feedings back down to 3cc and in turn forced to put 3 IV's in her. One in her foot one in her hand and one in her forehead. I honestly had a hard time looking at her that day. I know how uncomfortable IV's are and they just looked so sore I couldnt bear seeing her so uncomfortable. I must say that has to be the hardest part of this whole process seeing her so uncomfortable and there is nothing I can do for her.
Now Olivia's latest trick is stopping breathing. Also known as de-sat's. Now let me feel you in on a little tid bit of information. My daughter has a thing about 4 AM. Let me explain. My water broke at exactly 4 AM, I went into labor at 4 AM, the last time she had a major increase in her heart rate it was 4 AM, and not unusual her first episode of holding her breath was at 4 am this week. Shocking lol ... Now the doctors have explained these de-sat's to me like this. Towards the end of her feedings which are now up to 16cc she seems to have some moderate to severe refulx. Her body then covers her airway in an attempt to protect herself from an aspiration. This would be a good thing except for the fact that then there is a period of time that goes by with no oxygen. All the nurses have told me that she self recovers with just a little stimulation, and her heart rate does not drop during these episodes which is a good sign that these episodes are self induced and not a true sign of preemie apnea. All this being said it is very concerning news to hear that your baby stopped breathing for any period of time. They have assured me that this is fairly common and they will continue to monitor her very closely.
Lets start with the definite good news. We received the results of her follow up brain scan and it was pretty promising news. The right side which is a grade 1 remained the same and the left side of her brain which we were most concerned about ended up being a grade 2 this week. This is great news and is a pretty good indication that the spinal fluid is beginning to remove the blood clot. This of course will take time and there is no way to know if there was any damage until she is much older. I am very hopeful and confident that Olivia will continue to exceed expectations.
Now for the roller coaster ride of having a baby in the NICU. They upped her feedings to 12cc after the first feeding of this increased volume they were very quick to remove her pic line. Not to sound pessimistic but I thought they prematurely removed this. After all this line provides the nutrients she needed until she was up to "full feedings". Call it Mothers intuition but as soon as they removed this supplemental line she was not tolerating her feedings at all. Her belly was descended and she was spitting up. They were forced to drop her feedings back down to 3cc and in turn forced to put 3 IV's in her. One in her foot one in her hand and one in her forehead. I honestly had a hard time looking at her that day. I know how uncomfortable IV's are and they just looked so sore I couldnt bear seeing her so uncomfortable. I must say that has to be the hardest part of this whole process seeing her so uncomfortable and there is nothing I can do for her.
Now Olivia's latest trick is stopping breathing. Also known as de-sat's. Now let me feel you in on a little tid bit of information. My daughter has a thing about 4 AM. Let me explain. My water broke at exactly 4 AM, I went into labor at 4 AM, the last time she had a major increase in her heart rate it was 4 AM, and not unusual her first episode of holding her breath was at 4 am this week. Shocking lol ... Now the doctors have explained these de-sat's to me like this. Towards the end of her feedings which are now up to 16cc she seems to have some moderate to severe refulx. Her body then covers her airway in an attempt to protect herself from an aspiration. This would be a good thing except for the fact that then there is a period of time that goes by with no oxygen. All the nurses have told me that she self recovers with just a little stimulation, and her heart rate does not drop during these episodes which is a good sign that these episodes are self induced and not a true sign of preemie apnea. All this being said it is very concerning news to hear that your baby stopped breathing for any period of time. They have assured me that this is fairly common and they will continue to monitor her very closely.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
A Special Day
Yesterday was such an amazing and emotional day. I was able to hold Olivia for the first time. Its extremely hard for me to put into words what it felt like to have her little chest skin to skin on mine and be able to feel her strong heart beat and lungs working oh so hard to carry oxygen to her little body. She was a bit fussy when the nurse was getting all of her cables out of the incubator but as soon as she was snuggled in on my chest she was so peaceful for over an hour. I could have sat staring at her in this position for hours. When me or Daddy would talk to her she would look up at us with those intense and curious eyes. I may be a bit bias but she is so alert and so aware of her surroundings. She knows who her mommy and daddy are without a doubt. Its amazing to me how small she is yet how aware she is of what is going on. She deff has an opinion and will let you know about it. It seems to me that we have a very strong willed opinionated little girl on our hands and I cant wait to take her home and embrace and learn everything about her. In a nut shell yesterday was such a rewarding day and a step in the right direction for me and baby girl. Looking forward to many more days like this ....
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Keeping it Real
I suppose that writing a blog is about being honest and telling everyone that is reading it the whole story not just the things we will be celebrating threw out this journey. That being said we received some very concerning news yesterday. My baby girl has some hemorrhaging on her brain. They measure these bleeds on a scale of 1-4. On the right side of her brain she has a level 1 which is very common and shouldn't cause any problems the left side of her brain is another story. The radiologist said the left side is deff a stage 2 bleed possibly a 3. Let me vent my frustration here the difference between 2 and 3 is massive. To put this into perspective and not to alarm anyone but if a baby has a level 4 on both sides of the brain this is when they discuss removing life support. Olivia is nowhere near this level but you can understand my frustration when they can not give me an exact number. The plan now is to do another brain scan in 7 days. In a perfect situation and what I am praying for is that the spinal fluid will begin to remove these clots much like our bodies handle a bruise and all will resolve itself. The hard part is waiting 7 days. The minutes feel like hours and the hours feel like days. I'm trying to keep myself busy. With everything that is going on with the construction of our home this has been pretty easy so far. Sitting in the hotel or the NICU makes this situation much harder on me and doest change it.
On a better note our visit with miss Olivia yesterday was quite amazing. We heard her first little cry. I let her cry for a min and then began talking to her and soothing her holding her tiny hand. She calmed right down. One of the hardest things for me during this whole process is seeing her so upset and not being able to do anything about it. I wish there was more I could do for her. I would gladly take all her pain for myself if I could. I think any parent would.
Daddy also got to change her first poopy diaper. He was grinning ear to ear and I reminded him how much he loved it and will continue to change those dirty bums when we get home lol. She truly is my angel and I am remaining very hopeful and positive. She is so strong and Im confident that she will continue to impress me and the doctors.
On a better note our visit with miss Olivia yesterday was quite amazing. We heard her first little cry. I let her cry for a min and then began talking to her and soothing her holding her tiny hand. She calmed right down. One of the hardest things for me during this whole process is seeing her so upset and not being able to do anything about it. I wish there was more I could do for her. I would gladly take all her pain for myself if I could. I think any parent would.
Daddy also got to change her first poopy diaper. He was grinning ear to ear and I reminded him how much he loved it and will continue to change those dirty bums when we get home lol. She truly is my angel and I am remaining very hopeful and positive. She is so strong and Im confident that she will continue to impress me and the doctors.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Strong Girl
I have so much great news Im not quite sure where to start. So if this post comes off as a bit of a ramble please forgive me. Miss Olivia is doing Amazing!! After the transfusion yesterday her blood pressure improved dramatically and has maintained exceptional levels. Yesterday they switched her to a much weaker ventilator and she did so well they were forced to turn it down 3 times last night, because with her own breath and the ventilator she was receiving too much air. In a nut shell at the morning meeting with all her doctors they majority agreed my baby girl was more then ready to breath all on her own. While daddy and I sat by her side they removed the ventilator and now she just has prongs in her nose giving her small amounts of oxygen. So happy to announce she has tolerated this very well all day and they will continue to monitor her very closely to make sure she doesn't forget to breath which is a common problem in preemie babies.
This morning when we arrived there they had just given her a dose of caffeine (her morning coffee lol) they use the caffeine to stimulate the part in the brain that tells us to breath. You and I do this automatically and she just needs a little reminder every once in a while. Because of the caffeine she was wide eyed and bushy tailed. I saw her beautiful eyes for the first time I couldn't help but weeping the eyes are truly the window to the soul. As soon as I started talking to her she looked right at me. Talk about make my heart melt such a special experience that Im so grateful to have had. She is so much more comfortable now without having that tube down her throat. The only tube that remains in her mouth is her feeding tube.
Also she is tolerating her feedings very well and has already put on 10 grams which means she is back to her birth weight of 2lbs and we are hoping that she will continue to pack on that weight. They are feeding her a 1/2 oz every three hours. She has not had her bowl movement but you will all know about it when she does. I will be one proud mama to see her first poopy diaper. Never thought I would be saying that but it will be a huge step in the right direction. Indicating that her digestive system is working properly.
I am so proud of all the hard work my baby girl has done and how well she has progressed. Most preemies her age are on a ventilator for up to 3 weeks, my baby girl has managed to make it to this level in 6 short days. What a little fighter she is and so strong willed (hmm wonder where she gets that from lol). She was tugging and pulling at that ventilator line all morning it was such a relief to leave her today in a much more comfortable, peaceful state. It is simply amazing how much love I already have for this little angel and am really looking forward to holding her in my arms.
This morning when we arrived there they had just given her a dose of caffeine (her morning coffee lol) they use the caffeine to stimulate the part in the brain that tells us to breath. You and I do this automatically and she just needs a little reminder every once in a while. Because of the caffeine she was wide eyed and bushy tailed. I saw her beautiful eyes for the first time I couldn't help but weeping the eyes are truly the window to the soul. As soon as I started talking to her she looked right at me. Talk about make my heart melt such a special experience that Im so grateful to have had. She is so much more comfortable now without having that tube down her throat. The only tube that remains in her mouth is her feeding tube.
Also she is tolerating her feedings very well and has already put on 10 grams which means she is back to her birth weight of 2lbs and we are hoping that she will continue to pack on that weight. They are feeding her a 1/2 oz every three hours. She has not had her bowl movement but you will all know about it when she does. I will be one proud mama to see her first poopy diaper. Never thought I would be saying that but it will be a huge step in the right direction. Indicating that her digestive system is working properly.
I am so proud of all the hard work my baby girl has done and how well she has progressed. Most preemies her age are on a ventilator for up to 3 weeks, my baby girl has managed to make it to this level in 6 short days. What a little fighter she is and so strong willed (hmm wonder where she gets that from lol). She was tugging and pulling at that ventilator line all morning it was such a relief to leave her today in a much more comfortable, peaceful state. It is simply amazing how much love I already have for this little angel and am really looking forward to holding her in my arms.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Blood Transfusion
Today was a bit of a scary and stressful day. My baby girl has been unable to keep her blood pressure up. They had her on medication that was temporarily sustaining a reasonable blood pressure but as soon as they discontinued this it began to drop again. This is most likely happening because of all of the blood they have drawn from her for testing her little body has been unable to produce enough blood to replace what she has lost. The final conclusion was to do a blood transfusion today. Olivia is O+ and they found a donor with an exact match. With all preemie babies the blood goes threw many more steps of screening and they actually remove all of the white blood cells, only red blood cells are transfused into her.
They were about half way threw the transfusion while I was there. They gave her a total of 1cc of blood today and even with 1/2 of it her blood pressure went up significantly and her rate came down to a great level. With her blood pressure being so low her heart was forced to work much harder to move the blood to all her vital organs so it was reassuring to see this number dropping.
They were planning on doing her first tube feeding today, but decided it would be wise to wait until tomorrow after the transfusion. I did get to swab her mouth with colostrum. It was the sweetest thing ever as soon as I put the swab in her mouth she began licking her lips mmm Mommy's milk.... I cant tell you how grateful I am to be getting milk. It is really satisfying and rewarding to be able to do this one thing for her while everything else feels so out of my control. Deff a worrisome day but I know and believe it was the right and best decision for my little angel. Stay tuned to find out how her first meal goes tomorrow.
Posting some pics of her from today ... she is getting a bit of a sun tan to help with her jaundice.
They were about half way threw the transfusion while I was there. They gave her a total of 1cc of blood today and even with 1/2 of it her blood pressure went up significantly and her rate came down to a great level. With her blood pressure being so low her heart was forced to work much harder to move the blood to all her vital organs so it was reassuring to see this number dropping.
They were planning on doing her first tube feeding today, but decided it would be wise to wait until tomorrow after the transfusion. I did get to swab her mouth with colostrum. It was the sweetest thing ever as soon as I put the swab in her mouth she began licking her lips mmm Mommy's milk.... I cant tell you how grateful I am to be getting milk. It is really satisfying and rewarding to be able to do this one thing for her while everything else feels so out of my control. Deff a worrisome day but I know and believe it was the right and best decision for my little angel. Stay tuned to find out how her first meal goes tomorrow.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Olivia's Progress
Just a quick post about my little angel. She is doing great and is so strong. She did have an infection and will be on antibiotics for the next 7 days. Her blood pressure did drop and they were forced to introduce NO2 into her regiment. They have since lowered her levels of the gas and as long as she tolerates it they are hoping to discontinue this by tomorrow.
It was quite an amazing day. Her Daddy was able to change her bum and check her temp for the first time. Her little NICU diapers are still huge on her they go all the way up to her little boobs. They also swabbed some of my colostrum and let me coat the inside of her little mouth. The goal of this is that she will absorb some of the antibodies. She will not have anything running threw her digestive system for another week or so. They are sustaining her nutritional needs threw iv fluids with electrolytes and some sugar. Her bodies main priority is the cardiovascular and brain system. Digestive is still pretty low on her bodies list of priorities.
It is such a special experience to see her react to my voice. She deff knows who her Mom and Dad are every time we talk to her she reacts. I am very careful how often I do this because it frightens me when her heart rate accelerates too much. The nurses have encouraged me to continue talking to her and it is very soothing for her to hear my voice. I will deff be posting new pics tomorrow she already looks so much better. They have been giving her light therapy for her jandice that has really helped bring out her gorgeous olive skin tone. She was rocking a cute hot pink bow today that was surrounded by all her gorgeous black hair. So stay tuned for some updated pics. Until next time keep your prayers coming we really appreciate the support and cant thank you all enough.
It was quite an amazing day. Her Daddy was able to change her bum and check her temp for the first time. Her little NICU diapers are still huge on her they go all the way up to her little boobs. They also swabbed some of my colostrum and let me coat the inside of her little mouth. The goal of this is that she will absorb some of the antibodies. She will not have anything running threw her digestive system for another week or so. They are sustaining her nutritional needs threw iv fluids with electrolytes and some sugar. Her bodies main priority is the cardiovascular and brain system. Digestive is still pretty low on her bodies list of priorities.
It is such a special experience to see her react to my voice. She deff knows who her Mom and Dad are every time we talk to her she reacts. I am very careful how often I do this because it frightens me when her heart rate accelerates too much. The nurses have encouraged me to continue talking to her and it is very soothing for her to hear my voice. I will deff be posting new pics tomorrow she already looks so much better. They have been giving her light therapy for her jandice that has really helped bring out her gorgeous olive skin tone. She was rocking a cute hot pink bow today that was surrounded by all her gorgeous black hair. So stay tuned for some updated pics. Until next time keep your prayers coming we really appreciate the support and cant thank you all enough.
TMI
Sorry it has been a few "eventful" days since my last post. This post may be a bit too much information for some of you so feel free to skip over this one if you want. I just want to record and document everything about this experience so I can share it with Miss Olivia one day. I also want to remind her that when she becomes a sassy teenager that she has already used all of her naughty passes in the first few months of her life and to behave like a complete angel lol well see how well that works out for me.
After giving birth on Monday I was actually feeling pretty good considering. Unfortunately by Tuesday afternoon things took a turn for the worse. My pain was becoming increasingly worse I being a first time naive Mother just thought this was a normal part of the post par tum process. The pain was mostly concentrated on my right side and had got to a point that it was unbearable I felt like I was going threw labor all over again. The nurse called the doctor up who examined me and noticed that the right side of my stomach was beginning to descend out and was very tender to touch. She noted that it could be something with my appendix. My poor husband became increasingly worried as he has experienced an emergency appendectomy. One more event was sure to push him over the edge. He has been so strong and amazing threw this whole process but I truly believe this could have been too much for him. The doctor gave me another pain pill and said to give it another hour, and they would monitor my vitals very closely.
Not more then 30min had passed. I felt an urge to use the bathroom. As soon as I sat down something came out of me bigger then my fist. I immediately went into a hysterical panic crying, screaming and pulling the emergency cord in the bathroom. My nurse came running and immediately removed this foreign object from the toilet. Then began hugging and consoling me. On that note I must say the care I received at IMC was absolutely amazing. Long story short this object was a large piece of my placenta. The body will release the placenta after giving birth. This is usually a pretty fast process but because Olivia decided to join us so early my placenta was still very much in tact and took a bit longer then most. My doctors became impatient and instead of waiting decided it would be a good idea to pull it out. In doing this it caused the placenta to tear and un be knowns to them part of it still remained inside of me. After birth my body was viewing this as a foreign object and was doing everything to try and get rid of it.
My pain went away almost immediately after releasing this. I must say it was a huge relief to know that this was what was causing the pain and it was nothing more serious. I was pretty irritated with my doctor and she did come to see me the next morning with very sincere apologies. I am happy to announce I am recovering very well and feeling much better now. They discharged me from the hospital yesterday. Ricard and I are staying in a hotel about 15 min from the hospital until our home is complete.
As much as I was ready to get out of the hospital it was extremely difficult to leave my baby girl. I like many other Mothers had envisioned leaving the hospital in a wheel chair carrying my baby in her new car seat and loading her in the car to take her home with us. We will enjoy this moment we are just going to have to wait a few months until baby girl is ready.
After giving birth on Monday I was actually feeling pretty good considering. Unfortunately by Tuesday afternoon things took a turn for the worse. My pain was becoming increasingly worse I being a first time naive Mother just thought this was a normal part of the post par tum process. The pain was mostly concentrated on my right side and had got to a point that it was unbearable I felt like I was going threw labor all over again. The nurse called the doctor up who examined me and noticed that the right side of my stomach was beginning to descend out and was very tender to touch. She noted that it could be something with my appendix. My poor husband became increasingly worried as he has experienced an emergency appendectomy. One more event was sure to push him over the edge. He has been so strong and amazing threw this whole process but I truly believe this could have been too much for him. The doctor gave me another pain pill and said to give it another hour, and they would monitor my vitals very closely.
Not more then 30min had passed. I felt an urge to use the bathroom. As soon as I sat down something came out of me bigger then my fist. I immediately went into a hysterical panic crying, screaming and pulling the emergency cord in the bathroom. My nurse came running and immediately removed this foreign object from the toilet. Then began hugging and consoling me. On that note I must say the care I received at IMC was absolutely amazing. Long story short this object was a large piece of my placenta. The body will release the placenta after giving birth. This is usually a pretty fast process but because Olivia decided to join us so early my placenta was still very much in tact and took a bit longer then most. My doctors became impatient and instead of waiting decided it would be a good idea to pull it out. In doing this it caused the placenta to tear and un be knowns to them part of it still remained inside of me. After birth my body was viewing this as a foreign object and was doing everything to try and get rid of it.
My pain went away almost immediately after releasing this. I must say it was a huge relief to know that this was what was causing the pain and it was nothing more serious. I was pretty irritated with my doctor and she did come to see me the next morning with very sincere apologies. I am happy to announce I am recovering very well and feeling much better now. They discharged me from the hospital yesterday. Ricard and I are staying in a hotel about 15 min from the hospital until our home is complete.
As much as I was ready to get out of the hospital it was extremely difficult to leave my baby girl. I like many other Mothers had envisioned leaving the hospital in a wheel chair carrying my baby in her new car seat and loading her in the car to take her home with us. We will enjoy this moment we are just going to have to wait a few months until baby girl is ready.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Olivia's Brithday
Well friends and family ... Olivia pulls another 4am trick.. Let me fill you all in. It started about 2am Monday Oct 22. I began having what felt like period cramps. Maybe TMI but like I needed to use the bathroom and this has happened before. So I decided to try and wait until 5am when the wonderful intern comes in to check on me everyday. By about 4am I decided this was getting worse and not better and it was time to call the nurse. I explained my symptoms to the nurse and she called a high risk doctor from down stairs. She came in and did an exam my cervix was still completely closed but she wanted to monitor me and baby. She hooked up the monitors and said now try to get some rest and Ill be back up (some rest?? Seriously lol). After 45 min. of monitoring us she noticed a trend, that babies base line heart rate was extremely high and would drop dramatically indicating that I was having contractions. They moved us down stairs and even still people thought this was a fluke and we would be back up stairs in our cozy room that we anticipated staying in for at least 8 more weeks.
It was most certainly not a fluke. My contractions began to increase and the raw emotion set in that ready or not this baby was coming today. I think the most over whelming feeling for me was a sense of failure that I was unable to keep her in until at least 30 weeks. That had been my mental goal and I felt like I had let myself and Olivia down. After all it is a Mothers responsibility to provide a safe home for their children especially in the womb. I can honestly say I did everything I knew how to keep her safe for as long as possible. That 2 weeks of bed rest gave her a much better chance at life and a baby born at 27 weeks verses 25 which is when my water broke is much better off.
The contractions were coming on much stronger by later in the morning and as much as I would have loved to do a completely natural birth this was a very different situation for many reasons. Unfortunately with babies that are this small and especially because she is my first born they often have to do an emergency c-section. If you choose not to have an epidural and an emergency c-section is necessary they have to put mother and baby under general anesthesia. This being said the baby is born asleep and they would not be able to work on her for about 30-45 min after birth. It doesn't sound like too long but every single second that passes after a baby of her size and maturity is born is crucial. This being said an epidural was the safest and best decision for my daughter and myself. Quite honestly by this point the contractions were becoming unbearable and extremely uncomfortable I was deff ready for some pain relief. The anesthesiologist quickly became my best friend and as unnerving and scary as the epidural was I was happy to have some relief. By the time I received it my contractions were only one minute apart and very strong.
The doctor came in shortly after and I had dilated to a 3. I felt better for a little while after receiving the epidural but it wasn't long just over an hour to be exact that I began to feel very uncomfortable and a lot of pressure all over again. I began telling my nurse this and she just assumed that the medicine wasn't getting to my lower half after insisting that this pressure was getting worse she did call the doctor in to check me. Sure enough I was 9cm almost fully dilated. I had went from a 3 to a 9 so quickly I couldn't believe it. I was ready to get this baby out and was determined to be able to push her out without having to have a c-section. They moved us quickly into the OR. When a baby is born this early the have you deliver in the operating room verses a regular delivery room in case a c-section is necessary. Also there is a window to the NICU from the OR that they just hand the baby immediately over to them.
I was all set in the OR and again I was determined to get her out as quickly as possible to avoid a C-section I knew that because she was so low in the birth canal it would be more traumatic for her have to be pulled out threw my stomach. As soon as they said ok push I was there 100% focused and proud to say I pushed her out with 3 pushes and 2 contractions. I opened my eyes and there she was I got to see her for just a second and heard a little squeak and saw all that gorgeous black hair. They handed her off and that was the last time I was able to see her for 4 or 5 hours. They want to make sure she is stable and they have done everything to ensure that she is taken care before they would let us see her.
That 4-5 hours felt like a century I wanted nothing more then to see my baby girl. They did come up to get us but unfortunately I was still to numb so just Daddy got to go down and see his daughter for the first time. He took pictures and was so proud to show them off to me. It was later that night they let me go down and see her for the first time. I immediately cried and told her how much I loved her. They had put her on mild sedation but as soon as she heard my voice she began to kick and move. It was the most amazing feeling to know that without a doubt she knew my voice and knew I was there. The NICU nurse opened her incubator and encouraged me to touch her hand again her response to my touch was such a magical moment.
Oliva was born weighing exactly 2lbs, and is doing as well as can be expected. She will be hooked up to a ventilator and many other machines for quite a while. They will not feed her for 4 or 5 more days all she will be receiving right now is sugar water and some minerals. Her digestive system is the bottom of her list. Most of her bodies energy right now is being put into her brain and cardiovascular system. Once she is ready to digest any kind of food they will feed her threw her umbilical cord. For these next few weeks they try to keep her environment as much like the womb as possible. They keep blankets over her incubator and only touch her once a day at 7 am. We are hoping to be able to hold her in 4 weeks or so depending on how she does.
Words cant describe how much I love this little girl. She is such an angel and holds such a special place with me. I am continuing to stay positive and have faith that she is so strong and is going to pull threw this. I will continue to keep you guys posted on her progress. It is the little things and the baby steps that will keep us moving in the right direction. Today for example her oxygen requirement came down significantly. You and I breath 21% pure oxygen. When I was down with her yesterday she was at 75% requirement since then she has dropped to 32% which is amazing progress ,so quickly, all of the nurses were very impressed.
Thank you again for all of the support and encouragement we couldn't get threw this without each and every one of you. Forgive me for any spelling or punctual errors my brain is far from functioning right now.
It was most certainly not a fluke. My contractions began to increase and the raw emotion set in that ready or not this baby was coming today. I think the most over whelming feeling for me was a sense of failure that I was unable to keep her in until at least 30 weeks. That had been my mental goal and I felt like I had let myself and Olivia down. After all it is a Mothers responsibility to provide a safe home for their children especially in the womb. I can honestly say I did everything I knew how to keep her safe for as long as possible. That 2 weeks of bed rest gave her a much better chance at life and a baby born at 27 weeks verses 25 which is when my water broke is much better off.
The contractions were coming on much stronger by later in the morning and as much as I would have loved to do a completely natural birth this was a very different situation for many reasons. Unfortunately with babies that are this small and especially because she is my first born they often have to do an emergency c-section. If you choose not to have an epidural and an emergency c-section is necessary they have to put mother and baby under general anesthesia. This being said the baby is born asleep and they would not be able to work on her for about 30-45 min after birth. It doesn't sound like too long but every single second that passes after a baby of her size and maturity is born is crucial. This being said an epidural was the safest and best decision for my daughter and myself. Quite honestly by this point the contractions were becoming unbearable and extremely uncomfortable I was deff ready for some pain relief. The anesthesiologist quickly became my best friend and as unnerving and scary as the epidural was I was happy to have some relief. By the time I received it my contractions were only one minute apart and very strong.
The doctor came in shortly after and I had dilated to a 3. I felt better for a little while after receiving the epidural but it wasn't long just over an hour to be exact that I began to feel very uncomfortable and a lot of pressure all over again. I began telling my nurse this and she just assumed that the medicine wasn't getting to my lower half after insisting that this pressure was getting worse she did call the doctor in to check me. Sure enough I was 9cm almost fully dilated. I had went from a 3 to a 9 so quickly I couldn't believe it. I was ready to get this baby out and was determined to be able to push her out without having to have a c-section. They moved us quickly into the OR. When a baby is born this early the have you deliver in the operating room verses a regular delivery room in case a c-section is necessary. Also there is a window to the NICU from the OR that they just hand the baby immediately over to them.
I was all set in the OR and again I was determined to get her out as quickly as possible to avoid a C-section I knew that because she was so low in the birth canal it would be more traumatic for her have to be pulled out threw my stomach. As soon as they said ok push I was there 100% focused and proud to say I pushed her out with 3 pushes and 2 contractions. I opened my eyes and there she was I got to see her for just a second and heard a little squeak and saw all that gorgeous black hair. They handed her off and that was the last time I was able to see her for 4 or 5 hours. They want to make sure she is stable and they have done everything to ensure that she is taken care before they would let us see her.
That 4-5 hours felt like a century I wanted nothing more then to see my baby girl. They did come up to get us but unfortunately I was still to numb so just Daddy got to go down and see his daughter for the first time. He took pictures and was so proud to show them off to me. It was later that night they let me go down and see her for the first time. I immediately cried and told her how much I loved her. They had put her on mild sedation but as soon as she heard my voice she began to kick and move. It was the most amazing feeling to know that without a doubt she knew my voice and knew I was there. The NICU nurse opened her incubator and encouraged me to touch her hand again her response to my touch was such a magical moment.
Oliva was born weighing exactly 2lbs, and is doing as well as can be expected. She will be hooked up to a ventilator and many other machines for quite a while. They will not feed her for 4 or 5 more days all she will be receiving right now is sugar water and some minerals. Her digestive system is the bottom of her list. Most of her bodies energy right now is being put into her brain and cardiovascular system. Once she is ready to digest any kind of food they will feed her threw her umbilical cord. For these next few weeks they try to keep her environment as much like the womb as possible. They keep blankets over her incubator and only touch her once a day at 7 am. We are hoping to be able to hold her in 4 weeks or so depending on how she does.
Words cant describe how much I love this little girl. She is such an angel and holds such a special place with me. I am continuing to stay positive and have faith that she is so strong and is going to pull threw this. I will continue to keep you guys posted on her progress. It is the little things and the baby steps that will keep us moving in the right direction. Today for example her oxygen requirement came down significantly. You and I breath 21% pure oxygen. When I was down with her yesterday she was at 75% requirement since then she has dropped to 32% which is amazing progress ,so quickly, all of the nurses were very impressed.
Thank you again for all of the support and encouragement we couldn't get threw this without each and every one of you. Forgive me for any spelling or punctual errors my brain is far from functioning right now.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Good Times
Well first things first Olivia and I had a wonderful nutritious breakfast. 2 whole egss with 3 egg whits and 2 slices of whole wheat french toast ... aww now we are getting somewhere and eating to grow... I have to make sure this baby girl is getting nothing but the best.
Happy to announce they have taken out my IV (so grateful for that ) and yesterday was my last day of antibiotics. So just crossing our fingers and keeping our prayers going that there will be no infection anywhere in the near future.
Olivia is a true superstar and her NST (Non stress tests) continue to blow everyone away. Her heart is very strong and she is so active. Even with very little fluid this little one manages to kick squirm and wiggle like crazy. Her big brother is an amazing progressive trance dj and every time I start listening to one of his tracks Olivia goes insane its hilarious.. psst if you haven't checked him out you must http://
Sorry Im kind of all over the place today writing about everything, but my adorable brother and sister totally made my day yesterday. They brought 3 pumpkins and all kinds of fun stuff for us to carve them. How sweet is that? I couldn't go there so they came to me. I will deff be posting pics later of our masterpiece pumpkins lol... I am so grateful for the wonderful family I have been blessed with. They are so supportive and make this whole process so much easier. Love them so much.... well that's all for now pumpkin pics coming soon...
Happy to announce they have taken out my IV (so grateful for that ) and yesterday was my last day of antibiotics. So just crossing our fingers and keeping our prayers going that there will be no infection anywhere in the near future.
Olivia is a true superstar and her NST (Non stress tests) continue to blow everyone away. Her heart is very strong and she is so active. Even with very little fluid this little one manages to kick squirm and wiggle like crazy. Her big brother is an amazing progressive trance dj and every time I start listening to one of his tracks Olivia goes insane its hilarious.. psst if you haven't checked him out you must http://
Sorry Im kind of all over the place today writing about everything, but my adorable brother and sister totally made my day yesterday. They brought 3 pumpkins and all kinds of fun stuff for us to carve them. How sweet is that? I couldn't go there so they came to me. I will deff be posting pics later of our masterpiece pumpkins lol... I am so grateful for the wonderful family I have been blessed with. They are so supportive and make this whole process so much easier. Love them so much.... well that's all for now pumpkin pics coming soon...
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Winning
So happy to announce that Olivia and I will not be surviving off of hospital mystery meat and over processed lasagna for the next 9 weeks. I managed to chat with the dietitian for quite a long time. Considering this is a huge passion of mine and hers as well we had plenty to talk and complain about when it comes to hospital food. She totally hooked me up with the grill chef and we will be receiving daily protein shakes and real meat for dinner. With a complete protein and complex carb with each meal. Score Olivia we are "Winning" Dont get me wrong pregnancy is deff a time to enjoy some treats but come on people I cant even get out of bed I cant be eating this junk they were giving me. I will walk out of here at 350lbs and its not healthy for my baby girl so really happy we got this sorted out. Dinner tonight is mahi-mahi and veggies yum...
26.3
Well family and friends we have officially been in the hospital for one week with 9 more to go. Baby girl and I are both doing great. She is quite a spirited character already. We have daily non-stress tests done. They hook up monitors and track her hear rate for 20 min getting a base line and hoping to see at least 2 accelerations in that 20 min period. Well miss Olivia had an agenda all her own on Sunday the 20 min session turned into well over an hour of monitoring. She was way too active and kept moving making it virtually impossible to track her resting heart beat. She generally has a resting heart beat of 150bpm which is extremely strong for a baby her size. This is a typical base line of a full term baby. On Sunday she was closer to 165-170bpm, way too high for a base line number, but it was just because she was so active in there. Doing her cardio already lol. She finally did settle down but the nurses were all cracking up. So ladies and gentleman we have a wild child on our hands she is going to keep all of us on our toes, and I am really looking forward to all of it.
I had the opportunity to go downstairs the other day and scrap book with some mom's that are in very similar situations as me. It was therapeutic to chat with "real moms" instead of doctors or nurses. These were woman with the same worries and concerns as me. It was encouraging to hear the stories from the mothers that had older children that were born so early and are thriving and doing great. I shared a special moment with a Mother that Im sure will remain a dear friend of mine for a long time. Her baby girl was born 2 days ago at exactly 26 weeks along (exactly where we are right now)... she had just come down from the NICU and cried in my arms for quite a while. Her baby is doing good but it is so terrifying to see your baby in that circumstance. After calming her down she began to show me pictures and talk with me about her concerns and I think the fact that instead of just telling her its going to be fine I truly sympathized with her and just recognized the seriousness of the situation. Not being negative or pessimistic just being real, I think she really appreciate that. I know that her husband and family are doing everything in their power to just make her feel better by telling her everything is going to be fine but that's not always what you need to hear. Meeting this woman was very healing for her and I both. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what we need.
I had the opportunity to go downstairs the other day and scrap book with some mom's that are in very similar situations as me. It was therapeutic to chat with "real moms" instead of doctors or nurses. These were woman with the same worries and concerns as me. It was encouraging to hear the stories from the mothers that had older children that were born so early and are thriving and doing great. I shared a special moment with a Mother that Im sure will remain a dear friend of mine for a long time. Her baby girl was born 2 days ago at exactly 26 weeks along (exactly where we are right now)... she had just come down from the NICU and cried in my arms for quite a while. Her baby is doing good but it is so terrifying to see your baby in that circumstance. After calming her down she began to show me pictures and talk with me about her concerns and I think the fact that instead of just telling her its going to be fine I truly sympathized with her and just recognized the seriousness of the situation. Not being negative or pessimistic just being real, I think she really appreciate that. I know that her husband and family are doing everything in their power to just make her feel better by telling her everything is going to be fine but that's not always what you need to hear. Meeting this woman was very healing for her and I both. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what we need.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Unexpected
Just the beginning of the unexpected... it was a typical Monday evening. We had trained (nothing too crazy) and cooked dinner watched some TV and it was off to bed. Oh how uneventful life becomes when you become pregnant lol ... I wouldnt change it for the world just funny how life changes.
One of my many typical middle of the night bathroom runs ... this one sure proved to be a bit different. Standing in the bathroom then a huge gush of water running everywhere. My heart immediately sank, I felt like I was standing there for an eternity, Baby Baby you have to call someone my water broke. What do you mean Ricard stumbles in half asleep... it didnt take long for his eyes to become wide eyed and a look of disbelief. He immediately called 911. The sobbing and extreme panic began to sink in. Spike of course concerned as ever licking my feet non stop knowing that something was terribly wrong. The police were first on scene first and paramedics arrived shortly after. The rushed us to the hospital in Park City. After confirming that my water had indeed ruptured it was then they knew they would not have sufficient services to care for me or baby. Another ambulance ride to Salt Lake City (IMC Hospital)... here I was checked into the high risk maternity and both baby and I were monitored very closely. Good news I had not and still have not dilated at all. The cervix was still closed but there was a significant tear in the water bag. Being an uniformed first time Mom I just assumed that once the water broke that was it. That is deff not the case. The baby can survive with minimal fluid and actually still thrive in the womb thankfully. The main concern at this point is the risk of infection. For this reason they insist I stay in the hospital on bed rest for as long as possible. We are praying and shooting for 34 weeks. The doctors all agree this is a safe time to deliver baby and keep me out of harms way. I am 26.1 weeks today. Apparently 27 weeks is a milestone. All the NICU doctors have explained to me the difference between a baby born at 25 weeks verses 27 is night and day... so needless to say 6 more days and we will all be able to breath a little easier. We had an ultra sound done on Wed Olivia is weight 1 1/2lbs right now. Everyone has commented multiple times how strong her heart beat is... apparently she has the HR closer to that of a full term baby. What a spirited little angel this one is. She is deff going to keep us on our toes that's for sure. We are doing daily non-stress tests they hook her up to monitors and keep track of her heart rate and movement. They like to see the HR accelerate at least three times during a 20 min period, but res assured this very active little girl does not hold still long enough to let it come back down lol. Sunday they had to leave her hooked up for over an hour to give her a chance to calm down and bring her base line down to normal ... again a very active wild child is on my hands... Rest assured family and friends we are both in good hands and are doing everything in our power to ensure Olivia is a healthy happy baby girl. I will keep you guys posted as things progress and just want to thank all of you for all of your prayers and concern it means so much to us. We are very fortunate to have such an amazing support system. We couldnt do this without each and everyone of you.
One of my many typical middle of the night bathroom runs ... this one sure proved to be a bit different. Standing in the bathroom then a huge gush of water running everywhere. My heart immediately sank, I felt like I was standing there for an eternity, Baby Baby you have to call someone my water broke. What do you mean Ricard stumbles in half asleep... it didnt take long for his eyes to become wide eyed and a look of disbelief. He immediately called 911. The sobbing and extreme panic began to sink in. Spike of course concerned as ever licking my feet non stop knowing that something was terribly wrong. The police were first on scene first and paramedics arrived shortly after. The rushed us to the hospital in Park City. After confirming that my water had indeed ruptured it was then they knew they would not have sufficient services to care for me or baby. Another ambulance ride to Salt Lake City (IMC Hospital)... here I was checked into the high risk maternity and both baby and I were monitored very closely. Good news I had not and still have not dilated at all. The cervix was still closed but there was a significant tear in the water bag. Being an uniformed first time Mom I just assumed that once the water broke that was it. That is deff not the case. The baby can survive with minimal fluid and actually still thrive in the womb thankfully. The main concern at this point is the risk of infection. For this reason they insist I stay in the hospital on bed rest for as long as possible. We are praying and shooting for 34 weeks. The doctors all agree this is a safe time to deliver baby and keep me out of harms way. I am 26.1 weeks today. Apparently 27 weeks is a milestone. All the NICU doctors have explained to me the difference between a baby born at 25 weeks verses 27 is night and day... so needless to say 6 more days and we will all be able to breath a little easier. We had an ultra sound done on Wed Olivia is weight 1 1/2lbs right now. Everyone has commented multiple times how strong her heart beat is... apparently she has the HR closer to that of a full term baby. What a spirited little angel this one is. She is deff going to keep us on our toes that's for sure. We are doing daily non-stress tests they hook her up to monitors and keep track of her heart rate and movement. They like to see the HR accelerate at least three times during a 20 min period, but res assured this very active little girl does not hold still long enough to let it come back down lol. Sunday they had to leave her hooked up for over an hour to give her a chance to calm down and bring her base line down to normal ... again a very active wild child is on my hands... Rest assured family and friends we are both in good hands and are doing everything in our power to ensure Olivia is a healthy happy baby girl. I will keep you guys posted as things progress and just want to thank all of you for all of your prayers and concern it means so much to us. We are very fortunate to have such an amazing support system. We couldnt do this without each and everyone of you.
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